Eating Sweets

One of the most important things to understand when "loosing weight" or "going on a diet" is that you cannot deprive yourself of anything. That does not mean that you never tell yourself no, because if that were the case, we wouldn't reach our weight loss goals. It simply means there isn't something you should swear off or   completely put off limits to yourself. I have "loosing weight" and "going on a diet" in quotations because loosing weight is simply a by product of changing your relationship with food and yourself. "Going on diet" is a total misplay on words that instantly implies deprivation, and for those of us who have been on countless "diets", it usually stirs up fear of failure, again. So STOP. Stop "going on a diet" and get to know yourself, and how you treat food.

So many of us are quick to say "I'm an emotional eater", "I'm a stress eater", "I eat when I'm bored" which is good and at least we are THAT far, but that is a very broad understanding. What emotions tend to make you eat? And what kind of food do you usually crave? What are your favorite comfort foods, and what memory is attached to them? Pepperoni pizza and chocolate milk were a comfort food of mine for YEARS. Why? Because some of my favorite moments with my family before my parents divorced were Domino pizza and chocolate milk Friday nights. It always felt good, so when I didn't, I'd try to take myself there. Subconsciously of course, until I took the time to ask myself questions about food. I've also learned when I'm angry and don't want to be, I eat crunchy things such as chips, particularly sun chips lol (not every single time) but knowing that about myself helps me to dig a little deeper if I'm suddenly craving something crunchy.

The inspiration for this blog came to me this morning when we went out to breakfast and a cinnamon roll with icing sounded REALLY good. I took a deep breathe and decided my usual two eggs, hash-browns and whole wheat toast were a better option, especially since I had worked out with Burkey yesterday and the protein seemed like the smart thing to do. I ate one egg and a few bites of my hash browns when I just couldn't stomach them. I truly wanted something sweet, so I got it. I got my 9,000 calorie, 3lbs of cinnamon gooey goodness. Now let me tell you why... because I knew if I didn't allow myself that cinnamon roll, I would end up eating an entire plate of breakfast I didn't really want, and still feel deprived, probably angry, and most likely go on a full out binge for the rest of the day trying to satisfy my desire for something sweet. Sound familiar? So I chose to order it, but not before I took a few deep breathes and asked myself why did I want to make that particular food choice? Was I filling some void or feeding some fear? If answered yes to any of those questions, then looks like I get to go home and do some self exploration and only after I've sat with those feelings for a while, I could have i, if I still wanted it :) But not today, today I was just a human with a sweet tooth, and probably more accurately a woman with hormones, and with that, I  made a decision to fully enjoy every bite. 

This has been a rule I have followed for some time. We all have our favorite little sweets and treats, but learning to eat and enjoy them without guilt or fear, will teach you moderation. And if it's not your favorite, why eat it? Do you really want it? You don't have to eat it just because it's there. <- That one took me a little while to learn, :). Today I ate MAYBE a quarter of my cinnamon roll today because I allowed myself to have it, to sit with it and feel it. To indulge with joy, and when I was satisfied, I was done. When you allow yourself to indulge in your favorite treats do so quiet, sitting somewhere without distraction. Don't pick up a bag of your favorite chocolate and think you are going to drive down the freeway and only eat two, that shit ain't gonna happen, I promise. When you give it your full attention and notice what it tastes like, how your body is reacting, and what it feels like in your mouth and after you swallow, and notice what thoughts and feelings come up within your mind. And when you do, you'll find that two or three is more than enough. Good luck!  

No.

"Sometimes you just have to tell yourself no."'

Sometimes we just do. I wanted Tim Horton's yesterday for lunch, which I knew at least a couple things about allowing myself to go there a) the sandwich I wanted was about 700 calories, b) my body doesn't tolerate coffee well these days, c) I already had plans to overeat today, and was going to do so joyfully, because pizza hut is amazing and I refuse to deprive myself of any of the things that I truly enjoy, these instances I practice moderation....  SO, knowing these things I decided that you know what, sometimes we just need to tell ourselves no, lovingly like we would tell our child who wants to eat too much candy before bed, or our best friend who wants to make that compulsive phone call to their ex. I personally don't like to hear the word no. I don't like to be told no, I remembered that yesterday. I quit my job 3 years ago because the scheduler told me I couldn't switch floors, and said "NO" with an attitude, so not only did I not want to hear it, I didn't want to hear it from her, cause who the fuck was she anyways??? So it was either setting my keys down on the counter walking out or jumping over it and punching her in the face. THAT'S how much I've hated to be told no. But yesterday, a grace came with the word. A loving, supportive, encouraging, no. And I asked myself what was a better choice I could make? I ended up eating less than 500 calories for lunch sandwich, chips, and drink included. Thank God for that. We can make a choice every day, to be our own worse enemy or our best friend. It's about conscious choices. Of asking ourselves, is this worth it, taking a deep breathe then re-asking ourselves because sometimes we can spit out a quick, not-so-true yes as our hands are in route to our mouths with chocolate or burgers or whatever in tow, followed by guilt and a vicious cycle.

I look back on where I was in July of 2009 and all of the people God put in my path to help me get to where I am now. They were all exactly what I needed when I was working with them....from trainers, to hypnotherapists, to yoga teachers, different gyms, workout buddies, energy healers. To Jonathan Stevens, Jack Dugger, Billie Tobin, Pat Hill & all the yogi's at Bodhi Seed Yoga, Chris Burkeybyle and the station, Andrea and anytime fitness, B Murphy!, and everyone else who played a part in my journey, THANK YOU.... maybe the biggest lesson of 2012 was learning to tell myself  no, yes, good job, go to the gym, don't quit, sure you want to eat that? etc because sometimes I need to hear it, and none of you are here to say it...

"To know when to bend and when to leap- when to bow out and when to hurl our passions like buckets of pain across a stage..." - b