Unrealistic Expectations Rambled

Good morning!

I intended to get up at 7:30 for my favorite yoga class and ended up hitting snooze so many times I could have cared less about going.  I was tired and cranky by this point.  Yet, when I DID wake up I was fairly angry at myself for missing it!  As I laid in my bed pouting and trying to NOT be angry at myself I heard the words "Unrealistic Expectations." 

I decided to really look at that phrase for a few moments today and feel what it meant to me.  My intial question to myself was do I have unrelalistic expectations of myself, and my intial response was "yes."  I just had this feeling of kicking myself in the ass because I didn't go to yoga this morning, ugh... moving along. I am not a morning person, I know this, yet I set my alarm to get up at 7:15am? After falling asleep a little after 1am? I knew I wasn't going to get up. Then my question becomes, did I know I wasn't going to get up? or did I create the situation of not getting up at 7:15am because I had made the decision the night before that I wasn't going to?

Unrealistic expectations also makes me think of the term "extremeist" which I very much am which is okay because it has it's good aspects too, I really believe even the qualities we deem as "terrible" have certain situations where they wold be useful. So what now? I seem to not have much to say about Unrealistic expectations, maybe it's something I need to give thought to throughout the day, as I go about my day.

My thoughts right now are about having a routine of some kind in the morning. 10:30 feels like an appropriate wake time which I would like to incorporate on the days don't do yoga. I've been trying the make a daily schedule thing, which isn't working out to great for me right now, seems to just be kind of there. Routine wise I've thought about praying, breakfast, blogging over tea, yoga and/or walking, then my day.... I'd like that to the start to my day EVERYDAY. Let's give myself a goal of doing it for 4 days. I almost said a week, but I heard "unrealistic expectations" in my head, lol. The Universe knows me well :) I need to figure out how long all of this takes roughly. It's 11:30 now and I've been up since about 10:40 I believe. So, maybe two hours before I need to start getting ready to go somewhere? So if I get ready for work at 1pm, getting up at 10:30 is perfect, actually gives me an extra 30 min. We'll see how this works for the next four days. I'm gonna go ahead and jot this down. I'd guess on the days I don't have to work I don't really need to be up at 10:30? Give myself a little leadway.  Tommorrow I have class so it appears two hours to get read and get there would put me at 11:30, so 2 hours to do my routine would put me at 9:30am. Doable? I think so :). There is a thought there, almost a fear of developing OCD tendencies. lol, wow, there's my extreme's again. I either think I have to have NO schedule or be OCD about my schedule, lol... it does make me laugh a bit.

I've made my schedule out for the next two days, but I don't even know where to start for Saturday and Sunday! lol I'm like should I just get up at 10:30 to keep things kosher or wake up whenever and THEN do my routine, it can be more relaxed because it's the weekend right? Sure. Oh look at that, there aren't even any times on my weekend calender. Good. SHIT. Yin Yoga is tomorrow... and I really want to go! Guess I have to put that in my schedule lol... OMG I'm gonna drive myself nuts. No I'm not. For whatever reason I'm getting excited, lol.

I think blogging everyday will help me sort through the shit within my head, and focus better. I need to explore how not going to yoga this morning REALLY makes me feel, becuase I keep thinking of it and thinkg UGH fuck. I feel dissppointment, anger, frustration. It reminds me of all those other times I wanted to get up earlier and didn't. Feel irresponsible, lazy... makes me think of my father yelling at me "what are you gonna sleep all day? Get up." But I'm an adult now, I make my own decisions. Sleeping all day IS a choice for me, however, doing so strikes guilt and fear, like I'm waiting on SOMEONE to yell at me.

Seems it's now time for me to get moving this morning.... ;)

Love & Light
Dottie