Right Here, Right Now

"Is where we are now such a bad place to be?" - Karen Casey

My mantra if you will during my yoga session this morning.  I sat for a moment on my orange yoga mat, legs crossed with the sun shining on my face and asked myself, "Is where am at right now so bad?"  Never again will I be at THIS point in my journey.  My journey of life, self-discovery, point of attainment to my goals. NEVER again will I bet RIGHT here, with the Sun RIGHT there, with it this temperature, these thoughts, this specific time and date, etc... never.  I perfect, unique moment laid bare for the taking. For just a single moment of basking it it's perfectness.  A single moment of letting go. In that moment it's as if the world pours in those most beautiful energy into the core of the soul.  And when that moment is over, it's okay. Everything is okay. No need to be angry when the thoughts rush back, the attention is gone, and the world sets it. I stare out the window to a treah with tints of red, blowing in the breeze. It's simple presense makes me breath a little deeper and connect a little closer. 

My thoughts go to the things I'm focusing on the most right now in my life which are loosing weight, maintaing awareness and balance, and becoming an RN. Also, feeling my emotions, truly feeling them without judgement and allowing them to be.  I'll never be where I am right now, again. It is a journey. A beautiful journey. My weight loss journey has showed me things about myself I thought I had faced already. Drinking was but a symptom, eating was but a symptom, every personality characteristic has a deeper underylying fire that causes it to burn.  I want to know what feeds that fire.

I am so grateful for this journey. Within the pain lies the healing. I've spent my entire life inflicting physical pain, and avoiding the emotional and spiritual. Removing the phsycial, I have to feel the emotional and spiritual. But under that there is Love. That's what I want. I want to get to the Love. Where Love is all I feel, know, breath, am. I want to take others there. I want to take there hand and say, I've been there. I've done this, and that, and been through that too. I want to go out into the battlefeilds of life where people are so willingly fighting only themselves and pretending they are fighting everything else. I've been there. I'm not afraid to go back. It's like growing up to realize there really aren't monsters in your closet, therefore your not fraid to go in there anymore. There really AREN'T any battles to be fought, just Love. Just allowing that Love to surface, and stoping fighting It.

Love & Light
Dottie