Stopped In My Tracks

After juggling the urge to indulge in ice cream for the last few hours I finally decided to go and get some (at 1:30 am).  I have shorts on tonight because it's pretty warm out for October in Michigan. I quietly put on my coat and grabbed my keys, as I slide the sliding door back and watched it close from the other side I thought, "This feels like I'm sneaking out to do something wrong."  In that moment I felt like a 15 year old girl sneaking out of her father's house, then caught a glimpse of myelf in the window.  I'm smaller now than I was at 15.  I looked at my legs, my waist, and my jaw line.  I asked myself if I REALLY wanted that 1000 calories of ice cream I was about to indulge in. I put my head down and kept walking... I noticed the temperature had dropped, and it was windy.  Within six feet of the envoy, slightly lit by the poarch light I stopped.  I stopped in my tracks, and felt tears well up in my eyes. I took a deep breath and asked myself what was I REALLY feeling that I was about to numb with food?  The answer was clear, I knew in my heart what it was, then I smiled and felt nothing but Love. In that instant of acknowleding I was chosing to ignore something, and a willingess to feel whatever it was.... it was felt only briefly then gone. Like I only felt it for a half a second as it passed through from somwhere inside of me where it was hiding then out. I had no thoughts of letting it go or releasing it, I was just willing to feel it and it was lifted before I could even put a label on it.  I turned around and faced the street, I watched the wind rustle the trees and just stood there in the middle of the driveway with nothing but peace and serenity in my heart.  I said aloud, "God." stood for several more minutes and said, "Thanks" with tears in my eyes I walked back into the house.