I got on the scale at the gym today and it read 294.4. I looked at it in disbelief and got on 3 more times before I left the gym! Shouldn't I be more excited? Shouldn't I be more grateful? lol What is wrong with me, it's like I don't believe it. Like something must be wrong with the scale! I feel like I haven't earned it. I say that, but I've spent an hour and a half at the gym 6 days this week along with a brief morning walk! Why would I feel like I don't deserve it? Well for one, other than my oatmeal for breakfast all I've eaten today is Jet's pizza and ice cream, on and off all day. Sure that sounds horrible, but I have 800 and something calories left due to my hardcore work out. I'm doing this because I want to get healthier, loosing weight is just a plus. I've been really hard on myself this week about the things I've eaten. My hardcore gym sessions were out of fear and disappointment because of all the junk I've had this week. It was my birthday week though, and I try to give myself a bit of slack. That gray area is so hard for me to find. I take everything to the extremes, I always have. When I want something, I go get it full force. It's like I've learned that I can eat WHATEVER I want... as long as I burn that shit off at the end of the day. But this is what it does to me.... I eat out of compulsion and I'm super anxious until I get to the gym to burn it off. I obsess about making sure I burn all that junk off! I've not eaten as many veggies and fruit as usual this week. All that "knowing I can eat anything as long as I work it off at the end of the day" doesn't help my addiction to food. I still run to it when I'm stressed or anxious. However, I was proud of myself the other night... I had a HORRIBLE weekend at work, worked a double on Saturday and was exausted that night and Sunday afternoon for work, my thoughts at the end of the night were "I WANT McDONALD'S and I don't even care!!!" So I swung by McDonalds and they were closed. I thanked God and asked him to help me get my ass to the gym to work off that angry, anxious energy... and that's what I did. I didn't bury my emotions under a Big Mac, I tried but apparently it wasn't God's will for me, but I didn't stop at another, you know there's atleast 5 different McDonalds in a 10 mile radius in metro Detroit. I accepted that I was angry, and anxious... I asked God to help me feel it, get to the core issues as to WHY I was angry and anxious, and let it go, and I did. That was a miracle to me. I also broke down and bought some Acai berry from Wallgreens last night and began taking it in the morning... it made me feel somewhat like a hippocrite. I don't take pills, I'd rather do holistic SOMETHING before medicinal ANYTHING. I do take herbs though, and I kind of feel that's what they are. I'm also not allowing taking those to give me leadway to not work for it.
After writing all this, I can feel the gratitude creep into my heart. I'm offically down 25 lbs. It's truly amaing. God and The Universe have helped me stay motivated, positive, and strong. I pray that next week, I eat healthful foods to support my new healthy lifestyle I am striving for, and that my fears are removed and I stay positive about these changes... thank you God, Angels, and Ascended Masters for all your support and blessings... Amen.
Good luck to all of you!!! Love & Light
Dottie
No comments:
Post a Comment