I'm Back

WOW. So I feel like I just got back off a food relapse. It's been about 11 days since I've logged anything or been to the gym. I'm not sure what happened. After my last blog of disbelief, I guess I need something I could believe, so I went and ate whatever I wanted and didn't log any of it, or go to the gym. My trainer has broken his ankle, and that really hit me hard. He was definately an answer to my prayers and as of right now, he's out of the picture. We still talk on the phone and he offers his encouragement, he's really disappointed that I've allowed myself to slip so badly, but he keeps postively encouraging me. He's so awesome, we just click. At this point, we're friends ya know? In the beginning, he'd call me and tell me to get out of bed and go for my walk, haha. Maybe it's the coming of fall. I miss my daily walks with God. Where I'd get out and walk in silence and talk to God about my goals and pray for his guidence and strength. Maybe it had something to do with school starting the end of September. Seems like every hour I'm awake I need to be doing something. Then I think, but this is MY HEALTH!!! Shouldn't the be a freaking priority!!! IT should! This is a lifelong things, one day I'm going to have kids and a husband on top of working full time and probably always pursuing some kind of education (I love to learn and grow) and what about then? I have to continue to make time for this. I know it's a process, I've learned somethings these last couple weeks, and I've decided to keep the lesson's and the love and keep pushing forward. I've let go of regret and kicking myself in the ass. I got on the scale at work at it read 292.4. There is about a pound difference between that scale and the one at the gym, so I'm thinking I've gained about a lb, and for everything I've eaten, and doing nothing for the last 2 weeks, I'm pretty grateful that is all.

As of right now, I'm so grateful that I've logged my breakfast already. I feel God's strength, and I'm back. It's also big release to write this stuff out here. Because this is hard. There are so many of us here that are trying, and we need each other. I was really touched by all the comments on my last blog and I wanted to say Thank You. It's offically one o'clock, time to hop in the shower for work. Thank you God SOOOO MUCH for me having that feeling of "being back in business" I pray today I make healthy choices and loose weight., OH and stay sober :P....

Love & Light

Dottie

So Hard to Believe, I Mean Really

So I got on the scale at the gym today and it read 290.1. I couldn't believe it. I got on 3 more times and moved the scale around, and made sure my feet were all the way on it, moved my feet around... and the scale waivered 0.2 lbs. There was no excitement, or joy, or anything... I just stared at it in disbelief. I don't feel my waist is getting any smaller. My clothes fit better, but when I measure, there doesn't seem to be much difference. So I'm thinking that I'm beginning to loose it all over, people at work say it seems that I'm melting away. My friend told me today that everytime she see's me I get smaller and smaller. Where has my excitement gone?! I've been busting my ass at that gym 5-6 days a week, yet I look at the scale as if it couldn't be right! I belive real strongly in the power of our minds, and how thoughts manifest our lives around us, so me feeling that this can't be true brings fear that I may slow my weight loss. I'm just going to have to keep praying that God remove the fear and allow me to feel joy and gratitude with my weight loss. I'm almost 30 lbs less than what I was in June, and I look at the mirror and feel huge. I don't get it! LOL I'm just like, WTF is wrong with me!? Be proud! Be happy! Be SOMETHING other than skeptical! I'm wearing scrubs and clothes I've not been able to wear in almost a year. My body is literally morphing in front of my eyes, and yet I'm skeptical? Maybe it's because about 2 weeks ago I seen the Acai berry at Wallgreens on 2 for 10 bucks and I feel somewhat hypocrytical. I was going to do this all with hardwork and watching what I eat. But I thought as long as I keep doing what I'm doing, what can it hurt? It's loaded with antioxidants, which are GREAT for the body, and it's not a pill, it's all natural (being so passionate about holistic mediciene, I try herbs, Reiki, diet/excersise, etc before any pill) ... so maybe that's where it's coming from. I'm not sure, I know I feel better writing this out, so I'm about to go to bed and pray for joy and gratitude, and ask God to continue helping me become a healthier me. Goodnight all, and God bless you on your journey to being a healthier you ;)...

Love & LIght

Dottie