This morning my very first thoughts were about food. I've spent the last 2 days eating ridiculously, and there was a tinge of fear today hoping I could eat better. Today is my day to weigh myself at the gym. I weigh about once every week, and honestly I'm a bit apprehensive. I been hovering around 265 lbs for about 5 weeks or so. I'm a little frustrated, a little fearful, and ........ not sure. lol
I firmly believe the weight I carry on my physical body is a result of some emotional pain, an manifestation of my fears, my pain, and my attempts and making it hurt less, whatever itwas. So as I continue to loose weight, I watch different things surface, different memories, different feelings, and I just allow them to surface and ask God to take them. I don't need them anymore, and they no longer serve me. Lately it's been anger. ALOT, of anger. In years past I expressed my anger through physically hurting myself or others, I don't do that anymore. I bottled up the anger, I "swollwed it and held onto it".... and slowly began to "weighing me down" We really have no idea how true some of these sayings are that we say so often ;) Just listen to yourself. I just heard "meditate through the pain"... I like to meditate. My best friend the other day brought up an interesting poing.... it's like once the anger or pain hit my throat chakra (the space of voice, takling, expressing emotions etc) My physical body would literally hyperventilate and pass out.... so I stopped allowing it to get ot that poin because I didn't want to pass out. I have to open that pathway again, to allow the anger to surface from gut where it usually starts, to heart, throat, third eye, and crown.... thus allowing God to remove it. Interesting. It all made perfect sense to me. I'm going to do that now actually......
